gossip girl 12 终结- 第13部分

“Well；　I　am。”　Blair　felt　rooted　to　the　ground。

Nate　wanted　to　hug　Blair　and　bury　his　nose　in　her　hair；　to　smell　the　delicious　shampoo　she　always　used。　He　wanted　to　press　his　lips　against　hers。　He　wanted　to　run　his　fingers　along　the　curve　of　her　back。　Chips’s　words　rang　through　his　head。　You’ll　know　when　you　know。

He　knew。

“I’m　back；”　he　said　finally。

“I　can　see　that；”　Blair　hedged。　She　didn’t　want　to　make　this　easy　for　him。　He’d　broken　her　heart；　and　she’d　sworn　she’d　never　forgive　him。

“Blair；　I　know　I　messed　up。　I　was　scared　and　didn’t　know　what　to　do。　You　know　I　love　you。　I　always　have。”

“That’s　what　you　texted。　To　me　and　Serena。”　Blair　put　her　hands　on　her　hips。　The　fact　that　he’d　sent　the　exact　same　I　love　you；　goodbye　message　to　her　and　Serena　had　always　been　the　most　difficult　thing。

“I　know。　I　was　so　confused。　I’ve　known　you　both　forever。　Serena’s　a　friend；　but　I　love　you；　Blair。　I　understand　if　you　can’t　forgive　me；　but　I　hope　we　can　at　least　be　friends。”　Nate’s　eyes　were　pleading。

Blair　studied　Nate’s　face　and　softened　a　bit。　His　green　eyes　were　dull　and　his　face　was　ashen。　He　looked　like　a　guy　who’d　just　realized　he’d　made　the　biggest　mistake　of　his　life。　“So　much　has　happened；”　she　began；　but　then　trailed　off。　Where　to　even　begin？

Blair　glanced　around。　Rain　and　Laura　and　a　whole　bunch　of　slutty　L’école　freshmen　were　peering　toward　the　terrace；　watching　them。　She　didn’t　know　what　she　wanted　to　say　to　Nate；　but　she　knew　she　didn’t　want　an　audience。

“We　could　talk　about　it　somewhere　else；”　he　suggested；　as　if　reading　her　mind。

Blair　gazed　at　Nate；　holding　eye　contact。　Every　night　before　she　went　to　sleep　at　Yale；　she’d　revisited　the　same　fantasy；　like　a　movie　playing　itself　on　loop　in　her　head：　Nate　opening　the　door　to　her　tiny　dorm　room　and　sitting　down　on　the　edge　of　her　regulation…size　bed。　Telling　her　that　he’d　gone　out　to　sea　to　forget　her；　but　that　he　couldn’t　stay　away。　That　he　couldn’t　live　without　her。　That　he　loved　her；　always　and　forever。

It　wasn’t　happening　exactly　as　she’d　imagined　it。　But　it　was　still　happening。

“Can　we　go　back　to　your　house？”　Blair　asked　boldly；　surprising　herself。　She　knew　what　would　happen　when　she　was　alone　with　Nate。　But　she　also　knew；　finally；　that　Nate　loved　her。　And　he　deserved　a　second　chance。

Or　a　third；　or　a　fourth…

the　last　moment　is　the　one　that　counts

Vanessa　ran　up　the　steps　of　the　First　Avenue　L　train　station　at　eleven　thirty　on　New　Year’s　Eve；　eager　to　get　to　Hollis’s　party　before　midnight。　The　stairwell　smelled　like　pee　and　was　crowded　with　scantily　clad　revelers　getting　a　late　start　on　party　hopping。

She　spontaneously　pulled　out　her　camera　from　her　bright　orange　Brooklyn　Industries　bag。　Last　year；　she’d　captured　footage　from　a　midnight　run　in　Central　Park。　She　loved　the　idea　of　having　an　archive　of　footage　of　anonymous　New　Yorkers；　celebrating　the　start　of　a　new　year。　She　began　filming　the　packs　of　people　swarming　out　of　the　subway　station　and　onto　the　sidewalk。　Avenue　B　had　been　a　sketchy　avenue　in　the　eighties　and　nineties；　but　it　was　now　dotted　with　gourmet　coffee　shops　and　wine　bars。　The　entire　street　had　the　atmosphere　of　an　enormous　party；　and　Vanessa　felt　a　shiver　of　anticipation　run　up　her　spine。

She　made　her　way　to　the　address　from　Hollis’s　text。　The　black　door　to　the　four…story…tall　building　was　propped　open　with　a　broom；　and　strains　of　the　Clash　emanated　from　the　top　floor。

The　apartment　was　sticky　and　humid　from　so　many　bodies　in　such　close　proximity。　Vanessa　pulled　off　her　puffer　coat　and　draped　it　over　her　arm。　She　was　wearing　black　jeans　and　a　black　hoodie　emblazoned　with　the　logo　of　her　sister’s　band；　Sugar…Daddy。　She　felt　plain　and　underdressed　pared　to　the　guys　in　skinny　jeans　and　ironic　T…shirts　and　the　girls　in　vintage　silk　dresses；　toasting　each　other　with　plastic　cups。

Vanessa　felt　a　tug　on　the　hood　of　her　sweatshirt　and　turned　around。

“You　came！”　A　slow　smile　spread　across　Hollis　Lyons’s　face；　reaching　his　slate　gray；　thickly　lashed　eyes。　He　was　tall　and　lean；　and　wore　jeans　and　a　purple…and…black…striped　vest　over　a　white　button…down。　A　black　newsboy　cap　sat　jauntily　on　his　head；　his　messy　black　hair　sticking　out　from　underneath。　On　anyone　else；　the　outfit　would’ve　looked　ridiculous；　but　on　Hollis；　it　somehow　worked。　Vanessa　randomly　thought　of　a　young　Christian　Bale　in　Newsies；　a　movie　Jenny　loved　for　no　apparent　reason。

Hollis　draped　his　arm　over　Vanessa’s　shoulder　and　led　her　into　the　kitchen。

“As　you　can　see；　we’re　extremely　well　stocked。”　He　gestured　to　the　makeshift　bar　like　a　game　show　host。　The　cracked　laminate　counter　was　littered　with　empty　bottles　and　cans。　“What　can　I　get　you？”

“Whatever　you’re　having。”

“PBR？”　Hollis　opened　the　refrigerator　and　held　out　a　can　toward　her。　“Seems　to　be　all　that’s　left。　I　thought　we’d　just　have　a　couple　of　people；　but　we’re　at　capacity。”　He　passed　the　beer　to　Vanessa。　“Just　so　you　know；　I　don’t　make　a　habit　of　drinking　with　my　students。”

“I’m　not　your　student　anymore！”　Vanessa　had　to　yell　above　the　music。　Le　Tigre　was　pounding　so　hard　through　the　stereo　that　the　hardwood　floor　seemed　to　be　shaking。

“I　know！”　Hollis　grinned　and　clinked　his　glass　against　hers。　“Let’s　go　upstairs！”

He　opened　the　door　of　the　apartment　and　Vanessa　followed。　He　swung　his　leg　onto　a　rickety　fire　escape　ladder　installed　four　feet　above　the　floor；　holding　his　beer　precariously　with　one　hand　the　whole　time。　Vanessa　clambered　after　him；　her　hands　gripping　the　freezing　fire　escape；　and　stepped　onto　a　narrow　landing。　They　faced　a　large　black　metal　door　with　a　note　tacked　on：　DO　NOT　OPEN；　ALARM　WILL　SOUND。

Hollis　pushed　open　the　door。　They　were　greeted　by　silence　instead　of　a　loud　siren。　“That’s　been　there　for　years；”　he　explained；　walking　out　onto　the　unfinished　tar…covered　roof。　Around　them；　other　people　were　on　their　own　rooftops；　setting　off　rogue　fireworks；　toasting　each　other；　and　laughing。

“I　love　it　up　here；”　Hollis　said。　“It’s　like　a　party　in　the　sky。　LA　was　nothing　like　this。　In　LA；　you　always　have　to　get　in　your　car　to　do　just　about　anything。　Here；　everyone’s　so　connected。”　He　shrugged　as　he　sipped　his　beer　and　surveyed　the　surrounding　rooftops。　“I　kind　of　wish　I　had　my　camera。”

“I　have　mine。”　Vanessa　pulled　her　camera　out　of　her　messenger　bag　and　offered　it　to　him。　She　crossed　her　arms　over　her　chest　and　clamped　her　teeth　together　so　they　wouldn’t　chatter。　She　didn’t　want　Hollis　to　know　how　cold　she　was；　because　she　didn’t　want　him　to　suggest　they　head　back　downstairs。

Is　that　so？

Hollis　took　the　camera　carefully　from　her　hands　and　pointed　it　in　her　direction。　“I’m　glad　we　came　up　here；”　he　said；　slowly　panning　the　camera　so　it　took　in　the　other　rooftops。　He　stopped　once　he　came　to　Vanessa。　“So；　tell　me　the　story　of　your　life。　Maybe　I　can　make　it　into　a　movie　that’ll　get　me　out　of　my　five…hundred…square…foot　apartment。”

“Do　you　use　all　your　students　for　story　ideas？”　Vanessa　took　a　sip　of　PBR　to　stop　herself　from　saying　anything　else　stupid。　Why　was　she　suddenly　so　nervous？　She’d　spent　plenty　of　time　alone　with　Hollis；