And it was sheer； bleached agony to him； to break away from
himself。 She was there so small and light and accepting in his
arms； like a child； and yet with such an insinuation of embrace；
of infinite embrace； that he could not bear it； he could not
stand。
He turned and looked for a chair； and keeping her still in
his arms； sat down with her close to him； to his breast。 Then；
for a few seconds； he went utterly to sleep； asleep and sealed
in the darkest sleep； utter； extreme oblivion。
From which he came to gradually； always holding her warm and
close upon him； and she as utterly silent as he； involved in the
same oblivion； the fecund darkness。
He returned gradually； but newly created； as after a
gestation； a new birth； in the womb of darkness。 Aerial and
light everything was； new as a morning； fresh and newly…begun。
Like a dawn the newness and the bliss filled in。 And she sat
utterly still with him； as if in the same。
Then she looked up at him； the wide； young eyes blazing with
light。 And he bent down and kissed her on the lips。 And the dawn
blazed in them； their new life came to pass； it was beyond all
conceiving good； it was so good； that it was almost like a
passing…away； a trespass。 He drew her suddenly closer to
him。
For soon the light began to fade in her； gradually； and as
she was in his arms； her head sank； she leaned it against him；
and lay still； with sunk head； a little tired； effaced because
she was tired。 And in her tiredness was a certain negation of
him。
〃There is the child；〃 she said； out of the long silence。
He did not understand。 It was a long time since he had heard
a voice。 Now also he heard the wind roaring； as if it had just
begun again。
〃Yes；〃 he said； not understanding。 There was a slight
contraction of pain at his heart； a slight tension on his brows。
Something he wanted to grasp and could not。
〃You will love her？〃 she said。
The quick contraction； like pain； went over him again。
〃I love her now；〃 he said。
She lay still against him； taking his physical warmth without
heed。 It was great confirmation for him to feel her there；
absorbing the warmth from him； giving him back her weight and
her strange confidence。 But where was she； that she seemed so
absent？ His mind was open with wonder。 He did not know her。
〃But I am much older than you；〃 she said。
〃How old？〃 he asked。
〃I am thirty…four；〃 she said。
〃I am twenty…eight；〃 he said。
〃Six years。〃
She was oddly concerned； even as if it pleased her a little。
He sat and listened and wondered。 It was rather splendid； to be
so ignored by her； whilst she lay against him； and he lifted her
with his breathing； and felt her weight upon his living； so he
had a pleteness and an inviolable power。 He did not interfere
with her。 He did not even know her。 It was so strange that she
lay there with her weight abandoned upon him。 He was silent with
delight。 He felt strong； physically； carrying her on his
breathing。 The strange； inviolable pleteness of the two of
them made him feel as sure and as stable as God。 Amused； he
wondered what the vicar would say if he knew。
〃You needn't stop here much longer； housekeeping；〃 he
said。
〃I like it also； here；〃 she said。 〃When one has been in many
places； it is very nice here。〃
He was silent again at this。 So close on him she lay； and yet
she answered him from so far away。 But he did not mind。
〃What was your own home like； when you were little？〃 he
asked。
〃My father was a landowner；〃 she replied。 〃It was near a
river。〃
This did not convey much to him。 All was as vague as before。
But he did not care； whilst she was so close。
〃I am a landowner……a little one；〃 he said。
〃Yes；〃 she said。
He had not dared to move。 He sat there with his arms round
her； her lying motionless on his breathing； and for a long time
he did not stir。 Then softly； timidly； his hand settled on the
roundness of her arm； on the unknown。 She seemed to lie a little
closer。 A hot flame licked up from his belly to his chest。
But it was too soon。 She rose； and went across the room to a
drawer； taking out a little tray…cloth。 There was something
quiet and professional about her。 She had been a nurse beside
her husband； both in Warsaw and in the rebellion afterwards。 She
proceeded to set a tray。 It was as if she ignored Brangwen。 He
sat up； unable to bear a contradiction in her。 She moved about
inscrutably。
Then； as he sat there； all mused and wondering； she came near
to him； looking at him with wide； grey eyes that almost smiled
with a low light。 But her ugly…beautiful mouth was still unmoved
and sad。 He was afraid。
His eyes； strained and roused with unusedness； quailed a
little before her； he felt himself quailing and yet he rose； as
if obedient to her； he bent and kissed her heavy； sad； wide
mouth； that was kissed； and did not alter。 Fear was too strong
in him。 Again he had not got her。
She turned away。 The vicarage kitchen was untidy； and yet to
him beautiful with the untidiness of her and her child。 Such a
wonderful remoteness there was about her； and then something in
touch with him； that made his heart knock in his chest。 He stood
there and waited； suspended。
Again she came to him； as he stood in his black clothes； with
blue eyes very bright and puzzled for her； his face tensely
alive； his hair dishevelled。 She came close up to him； to his
intent； black…clothed body； and laid her hand on his arm。 He
remained unmoved。 Her eyes； with a blackness of memory
struggling with passion； primitive and electric away at the back
of them； rejected him and absorbed him at once。 But he remained
himself。 He breathed with difficulty； and sweat came out at the
roots of his hair； on his forehead。
〃Do you want to marry me？〃 she asked slowly； always
uncertain。
He was afraid lest he could not speak。 He drew breath hard；
saying：
〃I do。〃
Then again； what was agony to him； with one hand lightly
resting on his arm； she leaned forward a little； and with a
strange； primeval suggestion of embrace； held him her mouth。 It
was ugly…beautiful； and he could not bear it。 He put his mouth
on hers； and slowly； slowly the response came； gathering force
and passion； till it seemed to him she was thundering at him
till he could bear no more。 He drew away； white； unbreathing。
Only； in his blue eyes； was something of himself concentrated。
And in her eyes was a little smile upon a black void。
She was drifting away from him again。 And he wanted to go
away。 It was intolerable。 He could bear no more。 He must go。 Yet
he was irresolute。 But she turned away from him。
With a little pang of anguish； of denial； it was decided。
〃I'll e an' speak to the vicar to…morrow；〃 he said； taking
his hat。
She looked at him； her eyes expressionless and full of
darkness。 He could see no answer。
〃That'll do； won't it？〃 he said。
〃Yes；〃 she answered； mere echo without body or meaning。
〃Good night；〃 he said。
〃Good night。〃
He left her standing there； expressionless and void as she
was。 Then she went on laying the tray for the vicar。 Needing the
table； she put the daffodils aside on the dresser without
noticing them。 Only their c