The Rainbow-虹(英文版)- 第137部分

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　he　asked　her；　hostile。　〃Why　do　you　hate
democracy？〃

〃Only　the　greedy　and　ugly　people　e　to　the　top　in　a
democracy；〃　she　said；　〃because　they're　the　only　people　who　will
push　themselves　there。　Only　degenerate　races　are
democratic。〃

〃What　do　you　want　then……an　aristocracy？〃　he　asked；
secretly　moved。　He　always　felt　that　by　rights　he　belonged　to　the
ruling　aristocracy。　Yet　to　hear　her　speak　for　his　class　pained
him　with　a　curious；　painful　pleasure。　He　felt　he　was　acquiescing
in　something　illegal；　taking　to　himself　some　wrong；
reprehensible　advantages。

〃I　do　want　an　aristocracy；〃　she　cried。　〃And　I'd　far
rather　have　an　aristocracy　of　birth　than　of　money。　Who　are　the
aristocrats　now……who　are　chosen　as　the　best　to　rule？　Those
who　have　money　and　the　brains　for　money。　It　doesn't　matter　what
else　they　have：　but　they　must　have　money…brains；……because
they　are　ruling　in　the　name　of　money。〃

〃The　people　elect　the　government；〃　he　said。

〃I　know　they　do。　But　what　are　the　people？　Each　one　of　them　is
a　money…interest。　I　hate　it；　that　anybody　is　my　equal　who　has
the　same　amount　of　money　as　I　have。　I　know　I　am　better
than　all　of　them。　I　hate　them。　They　are　not　my　equals。　I　hate
equality　on　a　money　basis。　It　is　the　equality　of　dirt。〃

Her　eyes　blazed　at　him；　he　felt　as　if　she　wanted　to　destroy
him。　She　had　gripped　him　and　was　trying　to　break　him。　His　anger
sprang　up；　against　her。　At　least　he　would　fight　for　his
existence　with　her。　A　hard；　blind　resistance　possessed　him。

〃I　don't　care　about　money；〃　he　said；　〃neither　do　I
want　to　put　my　finger　in　the　pie。　I　am　too　sensitive　about　my
finger。〃

〃What　is　your　finger　to　me？〃　she　cried；　in　a　passion。　〃You
with　your　dainty　fingers；　and　your　going　to　India　because　you
will　be　one　of　the　somebodies　there！　It's　a　mere　dodge；　your
going　to　India。〃

〃In　what　way　a　dodge？〃　he　cried；　white　with　anger　and
fear。

〃You　think　the　Indians　are　simpler　than　us；　and　so　you'll
enjoy　being　near　them　and　being　a　lord　over　them；〃　she　said。
〃And　you'll　feel　so　righteous；　governing　them　for　their　own
good。　Who　are　you；　to　feel　righteous？　What　are　you　righteous
about；　in　your　governing？　Your　governing　stinks。　What　do　you
govern　for；　but　to　make　things　there　as　dead　and　mean　as　they
are　here！〃

〃I　don't　feel　righteous　in　the　least；〃　he　said。

〃Then　what　do　you　feel？　It's　all　such　a　nothingness；
what　you　feel　and　what　you　don't　feel。〃

〃What　do　you　feel　yourself？〃　he　said。　〃Aren't　you　righteous
in　your　own　mind？〃

〃Yes；　I　am；　because　I'm　against　you；　and　all　your　old；　dead
things；〃　she　cried。

She　seemed；　with　the　last　words；　uttered　in　hard　knowledge；
to　strike　down　the　flag　that　he　kept　flying。　He　felt　cut　off　at
the　knees；　a　figure　made　worthless。　A　horrible　sickness　gripped
him；　as　if　his　legs　were　really　cut　away；　and　he　could　not　move；
but　remained　a　crippled　trunk；　dependent；　worthless。　The　ghastly
sense　of　helplessness；　as　if　he　were　a　mere　figure　that　did　not
exist　vitally；　made　him　mad；　beside　himself。

Now；　even　whilst　he　was　with　her；　this　death　of　himself　came
over　him；　when　he　walked　about　like　a　body　from　which　all
individual　life　is　gone。　In　this　state　he　neither　heard　nor　saw
nor　felt；　only　the　mechanism　of　his　life　continued。

He　hated　her；　as　far　as；　in　this　state；　he　could　hate。　His
cunning　suggested　to　him　all　the　ways　of　making　her　esteem　him。
For　she　did　not　esteem　him。　He　left　her　and　did　not　write　to
her。　He　flirted　with　other　women；　with　Gudrun。

This　last　made　her　very　fierce。　She　was　still　fiercely
jealous　of　his　body。　In　passionate　anger　she　upbraided　him
because；　not　being　man　enough　to　satisfy　one　woman；　he　hung
round　others。

＇〃Don't　I　satisfy　you？〃　he　asked　of　her；　again　going　white　to　the　throat。

〃No；〃　she　said。　〃You've　never　satisfied　me　since　the　first　week　in　London。
You　never　satisfy　me　now。　What　does　it　mean　to　me；　your　having　me……〃＇
She　lifted　her　shoulders　and　turned　aside　her　face　in　a　motion　of　cold；
indifferent　worthlessness。　　He　felt　he　would　kill　her。

When　she　had　roused　him　to　a　pitch　of　madness；　when　she　saw
his　eyes　all　dark　and　mad　with　suffering；　then　a　great　suffering
overcame　her　soul；　a　great；　inconquerable　suffering。　And　she
loved　him。　For；　oh；　she　wanted　to　love　him。　Stronger　than　life
or　death　was　her　craving　to　be　able　to　love　him。

And　at　such　moments；　when　he　was　made　with　her　destroying
him；　when　all　his　placency　was　destroyed；　all　his　everyday
self　was　broken；　and　only　the　stripped；　rudimentary；　primal　man
remained；　demented　with　torture；　her　passion　to　love　him　became
love；　she　took　him　again；　they　came　together　in　an　overwhelming
passion；　in　which　he　knew　he　satisfied　her。

But　it　all　contained　a　developing　germ　of　death。　After　each
contact；　her　anguished　desire　for　him　or　for　that　which　she
never　had　from　him　was　stronger；　her　love　was　more　hopeless。
After　each　contact　his　mad　dependence　on　her　was　deepened；　his
hope　of　standing　strong　and　taking　her　in　his　own　strength　was
weakened。　He　felt　himself　a　mere　attribute　of　her。

Whitsuntide　came；　just　before　her　examination。　She　was　to
have　a　few　days　of　rest。　Dorothy　had　inherited　her　patrimony；
and　had　taken　a　cottage　in　Sussex。　She　invited　them　to　stay　with
her。

They　went　down　to　Dorothy's　neat；　low　cottage　at　the　foot　of
the　downs。　Here　they　could　do　as　they　liked。　Ursula　was　always
yearning　to　go　to　the　top　of　the　downs。　The　white　track　wound　up
to　the　rounded　summit。　And　she　must　go。

Up　there；　she　could　see　the　Channel　a　few　miles　away；　the　sea
raised　up　and　faintly　glittering　in　the　sky；　the　Isle　of　Wight　a
shadow　lifted　in　the　far　distance；　the　river　winding　bright
through　the　patterned　plain　to　seaward；　Arundel　Castle　a　shadowy
bulk；　and　then　the　rolling　of　the　high；　smooth　downs；　making　a
high；　smooth　land　under　heaven；　acknowledging　only　the　heavens
in　their　great；　sun…glowing　strength；　and　suffering　only　a　few
bushes　to　trespass　on　the　intercourse　between　their　great；
unabateable　body　and　the　changeful　body　of　the　sky。

Below　she　saw　the　villages　and　the　woods　of　the　weald；　and
the　train　running　bravely；　a　gallant　little　thing；　running　with
all　the　importance　of　the　world　over　the　water　meadows　and　into
the　gap　of　the　downs；　waving　its　white　steam；　yet　all　the　while
so　little。　So　little；　yet　its　courage　carried　it　from　end　to　end
of　the　earth；　till　there　was　no　place　where　it　did　not　go。　Yet
the　downs；　in　magnificent　indifference；　bearing　limbs　and　body
to　the　sun；　drinking　sunshine　and　sea…wind　and　sea…wet　cloud
into　its　golden　skin；　with　superb　stillness　and　calm　of　being；
was　not　the　downs　still　more　wonderful？　The　blind；　pathetic；
energetic　courage　of　the　train　as　it　steamed　tinily　away　through
the　patterned　levels　to　the　sea's　dimness；　so　fast　and　so
energetic；　made　her　weep。　Where　was　it　going？　It　was　going
nowhere；　it　was　just　going。　So　blind；　so　without　goal　or　aim；
yet　so　hasty！　She　sat　on　an　old　prehistoric　earth…work　and
cried；　and　the　tears　ran　down　her　face。　The　train　had　tunnelled
all　the　earth；　blindly；　and　uglily。

And　she　lay　face　downwards　on　the　downs；　that　were　so　strong；
that　cared　only　for　their　intercourse　with