for？ Get you ass over here and collect your reward！
… mogl
A： Dear mogl；
You might think the lady doth protest too much； but I'm saying this for the last time： I have no
f…ing clue what you're talking about！ Enjoy Cannes。
…GG
Q： Dear GG；
What are you supposed to do the rest of the year now that we know where we're going to college？
…bord
A： Dear bord；
Please… isn't this what we've all been waiting for？ Time to shop； drink； eat； and be merry？ Time to
be all we can be？ If you don't have your own pool and can't get into the SoHo House rooftop pool；
make it your mission to befriend someone with pool access and spend the rest of the day rotating
Eres bikinis！
…GG
Q： Dear GG；
If you really really like a girl but she keeps ignoring you； what should you do？
…2bummed
A： Dear 2bummed；
First change your screen name to something more upbeat and attractive like 〃superhot〃。 Second；
make sure your deodorant works and that your outfit isn't pletely hopeless。 Then ask her to
hang out； preferably where there are other people she knows and feels fortable with； so she
can gave fun even if she decides you're a self…effacing loser and she's not interested。 Good luck！
…GG
It's Monday； the start of the school week… I know： Yawn。 Realistically； though after a weekend like
this； how boring can things be？ Like wolves in sheep's clothing； we all look so innocent in our
school uniforms； but this weekend won't go without repercussions。
I'll be the first to report when the shit hits！
You know you love me；
Gossip Girl
J； B AND S ARE TOTALLY GETTING EXPELLED
〃I heard that freshman slut had； like； group sex with every member of the band… even the new lead
singer； who's like； her brother；〃 Kati Farkas whispered to her best friend and Constance Billard
School Senior Spa Weekend co…planner； Isabel Coates。 Kati reparted her long； strawberry blond
hair with a pink tortoiseshell b； smoothing it down with her hands。 〃Did you see those pictures
of her in the Post online？ She didn't even bother to get dressed before she left the hotel！〃
The two girls were peering out the third…floor windows of the Constance Billard School library；
pretending to memorize their lines for the girls…in…bikinis…and…mud…masks skit they were supposed
to put on in their senior lounge tomorrow to promote Senior Spa Weekend。 Not that it needed
promoting。 Everyone would take home gift bags full of fabulous new Origins products； and their
skin would absolutely glow until graduation。 It was going to be the coolest Senior Cut Day ever。
Isabel grabbed the b out of Kati's hands and bed her sleek dark hair back into a ponytail。
〃I heard Nate and his friends almost died in a shipwreck； but Blair was too busy hooking up with
Serena again to even notice。 Can you imagine finding out your girlfriend was cheating on you
with； like； another girl？〃
Kati made aface and shuddered in agreement。 〃Gross。〃
Isabel pressed her pug nose up against the window。 〃Look！〃
Blair and Serena were walking hastily down Ninety…third Street； their arms linked； grinning slyly
like they'd just shared the most entertaining secret。 Instead of the usual socially acceptable
mid…thigh length； Blair's uniform hung all the way down to her knees。 It was totally obvious she'd
borrowed the uniform from Serena。
Nudge； nudge。
Just as the girls were turning into the great blue doors of the Constance Billard School； a yellow
taxi pulled up； and Jenny Humphrey stepped out； munching on a breadstick。 She'd managed to
change out of her Plaza Hotel bathrobe and into a pink t…shirt and her blue…and…white…seersucker
Constance Billard spring uniform。 She was also wearing a pair of rather fetching hot pink Jimmy
Choo platform sandals that were totally out of uniform； and an enormous pair of pink tortoiseshell
Jackie O。 sunglasses。
Uh…oh； don't look now； but someone thinks she's hot stuff。
〃Where did she get those shoes？〃 Kati breathed in disbelief。 〃The waiting list is like a mile long。〃
〃They're probably fakes； you just can't tell from here；〃 Isabel replied。
Neither girl wanted to admit what they were really thinking… that Damian or Lloyd from the Raves
had probably given Jenny the shoes and the glasses… because to be jealous of a freshman was so
pletely uncool。
Serena； Blair and Jenny had only just stepped inside the doors when they were accosted by Mrs。
M； Constance Billard's formidable headmistress。
〃Girls； Mrs。 M manded。 〃I'd like to talk to all three of you in my office； please。 Your parents
are on their way。〃
Huh？ All three girls wondered in unison。
This should be fun。
Mrs。 M's face was doughy and soft； and her hair was dyed Raggedy Ann auburn and permed into
little ringlets； giving her a sweet； grandmotherly appearance。 But appearances lie： she was
anything but sweet。 In fact； she was a big； mean old dyke who purportedly kept a tractor…driving
girlfriend in her house upstate and had a tattoo on her thigh that said； 〃Ride me； Vonda。〃
〃Sit down； girls；〃 she ordered； arranging her wide navy blue Talbots pantsuit… clad ass on the
period chair behind her giant mahogany desk。 Mrs。 M's office was decorated entirely in red； white；
and blue and the Constance girls weren't quite sure what she actually thought she was the
president or if she was extremely patriotic。
In a daze of obedience； Serena； Blair and Jenny planted themselves on the stiff blue loveseat
opposite of Mrs。 M's desk。 The loveseat was a little crowded with all three of them on it； but the
nearness was forting。
〃Two of you are meant to be graduating next month； after which you are no longer my
responsibility；〃 Mrs。 M began。 〃One of you； however； has only just begun her high school career；
and you've already headed in a very bad direction； no thanks to the two of you seniors。〃 She
propped a pair of half…glasses on her nose and sorted through a bunch of files on her desk。 〃All
three of you are in very precarious position。〃
Blair opened her mouth to speak； but then closed it again when her mother appeared in the
doorway of Mrs。 M's office； dressed in tennis white and carrying a fussing and whimpering Yale in
a Burberry baby sling。 The sling hadn't been adjusted properly and it banged against her hip like a
cumbersome tote bag。
〃I'm trying this new thing called 'attachment parenting'；〃 Eleanor explained breathlessly。 〃It's
supposed to make your child bond with you and increase their confidence。〃 She giggles and
hitched the sling up on her shoulder awkwardly。 〃I think you're supposed to walk around like this
all day long； but who has the time？ I've got the tennis at the Y； lunch at Daniel and a facial at
Arden； and Cyrus and I are going out to Bridgehampton later this week。 Half and hour on
Mondays and Wednesdays is all the bonding time I have！〃
Still； she gets points for trying。
〃Oh； and Blair； dear； there's a Dior sample sale I thought you might be interested in going to。 It's at
noon。 You could meet me there。〃
Mrs。 M raised an un…plucked brown eyebrow。 Shopping during school hours… heaven forbid！
Although if it had been a Talbo