look at me quite as much as they had yesterday。 I sat with a big group at
lunch that included Mike； Eric； Jessica； and several other people whose
names and faces I now remembered。 I began to feel like I was treading
water； instead of drowning in it。
It was worse because I was tired； I still couldn't sleep with the wind
echoing around the house。 It was worse because Mr。 Varner called on me in
Trig when my hand wasn't raised and I had the wrong answer。 It was
miserable because I had to play volleyball； and the one time I didn't
cringe out of the way of the ball； I hit my teammate in the head with it。
And it was worse because Edward Cullen wasn't in school at all。
All morning I was dreading lunch； fearing his bizarre glares。 Part of me
wanted to confront him and demand to know what his problem was。 While I
was lying sleepless in my bed； I even imagined what I would say。 But I
knew myself too well to think I would really have the guts to do it。 I
made the Cowardly Lion look like the terminator。
But when I walked into the cafeteria with Jessica — trying to keep my
eyes from sweeping the place for him； and failing entirely — I saw that
his four siblings of sorts were sitting together at the same table； and
he was not with them。
Mike intercepted us and steered us to his table。 Jessica seemed elated by
the attention； and her friends quickly joined us。 But as I tried to
listen to their easy chatter； I was terribly unfortable； waiting
nervously for the moment he would arrive。 I hoped that he would simply
ignore me when he came； and prove my suspicions false。
He didn't e； and as time passed I grew more and more tense。
I walked to Biology with more confidence when； by the end of lunch； he
still hadn't showed。 Mike； who was taking on the qualities of a golden
retriever； walked faithfully by my side to class。 I held my breath at the
door； but Edward Cullen wasn't there； either。 I exhaled and went to my
seat。 Mike followed； talking about an uping trip to the beach。 He
lingered by my desk till the bell rang。 Then he smiled at me wistfully
and went to sit by a girl with braces and a bad perm。 It looked like I
was going to have to do something about Mike； and it wouldn't be easy。 In
a town like this； where everyone lived on top of everyone else； diplomacy
was essential。 I had never been enormously tactful； I had no practice
dealing with overly friendly boys。
I was relieved that I had the desk to myself； that Edward was absent。 I
told myself that repeatedly。 But I couldn't get rid of the nagging
suspicion that I was the reason he wasn't there。 It was ridiculous； and
egotistical； to think that I could affect anyone that strongly。 It was
impossible。 And yet I couldn't stop worrying that it was true。
When the school day was finally done； and the blush was fading out of my
cheeks from the volleyball incident； I changed quickly back into my jeans
and navy blue sweater。 I hurried from the girls' locker room； pleased to
find that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment。 I
walked swiftly out to the parking lot。 It was crowded now with fleeing
students。 I got in my truck and dug through my bag to make sure I had
what I needed。
Last night I'd discovered that Charlie couldn't cook much besides fried
eggs and bacon。 So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the
duration of my stay。 He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the
banquet hall。 I also found out that he had no food in the house。 So I had
my shopping list and the cash from the jar in the cupboard labeled FOOD
MONEY； and I was on my way to the Thriftway。
I gunned my deafening engine to life； ignoring the heads that turned in
my direction； and backed carefully into a place in the line of cars that
were waiting to exit the parking lot。 As I waited； trying to pretend that
the earsplitting rumble was ing from someone else's car； I saw the two
Cullens and the Hale twins getting into their car。 It was the shiny new
Volvo。 Of course。 I hadn't noticed their clothes before — I'd been too
mesmerized by their faces。 Now that I looked； it was obvious that they
were all dressed exceptionally well； simply； but in clothes that subtly
hinted at designer origins。 With their remarkable good looks； the style
with which they carried themselves； they could have worn dishrags and
pulled it off。 It seemed excessive for them to have both looks and money。
But as far as I could tell； life worked that way most of the time。 It
didn't look as if it bought them any acceptance here。
No； I didn't fully believe that。 The isolation must be their desire； I
couldn't imagine any door that wouldn't be opened by that degree of
beauty。
They looked at my noisy truck as I passed them； just like everyone else。
I kept my eyes straight forward and was relieved when I finally was free
of the school grounds。
The Thriftway was not far from the school； just a few streets south； off
the highway。 It was nice to be inside the supermarket； it felt normal。 I
did the shopping at home； and I fell into the pattern of the familiar
task gladly。 The store was big enough inside that I couldn't hear the
tapping of the rain on the roof to remind me where I was。
When I got home； I unloaded all the groceries； stuffing them in wherever
I could find an open space。 I hoped Charlie wouldn't mind。 I wrapped
potatoes in foil and stuck them in the oven to bake； covered a steak in
marinade and balanced it on top of a carton of eggs in the fridge。
When I was finished with that； I took my book bag upstairs。 Before
starting my homework； I changed into a pair of dry sweats； pulled my damp
hair up into a pony…tail； and checked my e…mail for the first time。 I had
three messages。
〃Bella；〃 my mom wrote…
Write me as soon as you get in。 Tell me how your flight was。 Is it
raining？ I miss you already。 I'm almost finished packing for Florida； but
I can't find my pink blouse。 Do you know where I put it？ Phil says hi。
Mom。
I sighed and went to the next。 It was sent eight hours after the first。
〃Bella；〃 she wrote…
Why haven't you e…mailed me yet？ What are you waiting for？ Mom。
The last was from this morning。
Isabella；
If I haven't heard from you by 5：30 p。m。 today I'm calling Charlie。
I checked the clock。 I still had an hour； but my mom was well known for
jumping the gun。
Mom；
Calm down。 I'm writing right now。 Don't do anything rash。
Bella。
I sent that； and began again。
Mom；
Everything is great。 Of course it's raining。 I was waiting for something
to write about。 School isn't bad； just a little repetitive。 I met some
nice kids who sit by me at lunch。
Your blouse is at the dry cleaners … you were supposed to pick it up
Friday。
Charlie bought me a truck； can you believe it？ I love it。 It's old； but
really sturdy； which is good； you know； for me。
I miss you； too。 I'll write again soon； but I'm not going to check my
e…mail every five minutes。 Relax； breathe。 I love you。
Bella。
I had decided to read Wuthering Height