should， in that case ， care little about the trees that grew in the
country。
OCTOBER 10。 Only to gaze upon her dark eyes is to me a source of happiness！
And what grieves me ， is ， that Albert does not seem so happy as he
—— hoped to be—— as I should have been—— if —— I am no friend
to these pauses ， but here I cannot express it otherwise ； and probably
I am explicit enough。
OCTOBER 12。 Ossian has superseded Homer in my heart。 To what a world
does the illustrious bard carry me！ To wander over pathless wilds， surrounded
by impetuous whirlwinds ， where， by the feeble light of the moon， we
see the spirits of our ancestors； to hear from the mountain…tops ， mid
the roar of torrents， their plaintive sounds issuing from deep caverns，
and the sorrowful lamentations of a maiden who sighs and expires on the
mossy tomb of the warrior by whom she was adored。 I meet this bard with
silver hair ； he wanders in the valley ； he seeks the footsteps of his
fathers ， and， alas ！ he finds only their tombs。 Then， contemplating
the pale moon ， as she sinks beneath the waves of the rolling sea， the
memory of bygone days strikes the mind of the hero， days when approaching
danger invigorated the brave， and the moon shone upon his bark laden
with spoils ， and returning in triumph。 When I read in his countenance
deep sorrow ， when I see his dying glory sink exhausted into the grave，
as he inhales new and heart…thrilling delight from his approaching union
with his beloved， and he casts a look on the cold earth and the tall
grass which is so soon to cover him ， and then exclaims， 〃The traveller
will e ，—— he will e who has seen my beauty， and he will ask，
'Where is the bard， where is the illustrious son of Fingal ？' He will
walk over my tomb ， and will seek me in vain ！〃 Then， O my friend，
I could instantly ， like a true and noble knight ， draw my sword， and
deliver my prince from the long and painful languor of a living death ，
and dismiss my own soul to follow the demigod whom my hand had set free！
OCTOBER 19。 Alas！ the void the fearful void， which I feel in my
bosom ！ Sometimes I think， if I could only once but once， press her
to my heart ， this dreadful void would be filled。
OCTOBER 26。 Yes ， I feel certain ， Wilhelm， and every day I bee
more certain， that the existence of any being whatever is of very little
consequence。 A friend of Charlotte's called to see her just now。 I withdrew
into a neighbouring apartment ， and took up a book ； but， finding I
could not read， I sat down to write。 I heard them converse in an undertone
： they spoke upon indifferent topics ， and retailed the news of the
town。 One was going to be married ； another was ill， very ill ， she
had a dry cough ， her face was growing thinner daily ， and she had occasional
fits。 〃N—— is very unwell too ，〃 said Charlotte。 〃His limbs begin to
swell already ，〃 answered the other； and my lively imagination carried
me at once to the beds of the infirm。 There I see them struggling against
death ， with all the agonies of pain and horror； and these women， Wilhelm，
talk of all this with as much indifference as one would mention the death
of a stranger。 And when I look around the apartment where I now am——
when I see Charlotte's apparel lying before me， and Albert's writings，
and all those articles of furniture which are so familiar to me ， even
to the very inkstand which I am using ，—— when I think what I am to
this family —— everything。 My friends esteem me ； I often contribute
to their happiness， and my heart seems as if it could not beat without
them； and yet—— if I were to die ， if I were to be summoned from the
midst of this circle， would they feel—— or how long would they feel
the void which my loss would make in their existence？ How long ！ Yes，
such is the frailty of man， that even there， where he has the greatest
consciousness of his own being， where he makes the strongest and most
forcible impression ， even in the memory ， in the heart ， of his beloved，
there also he must perish ，—— vanish ，—— and that quickly。
OCTOBER 27。 I could tear open my bosom with vexation to think how
little we are capable of influencing the feelings of each other。 No one
can municate to me those sensations of love， joy， rapture， and delight
which I do not naturally possess； and， though my heart may glow with
the most lively affection ， I cannot make the happiness of one in whom
the same warmth is not inherent。
OCTOBER 27： Evening。 I possess so much ， but my love for her absorbs
it all。 I possess so much ， but without her I have nothing。
OCTOBER 30。 One hundred times have I been on the point of embracing
her。 Heavens！ what a torment it is to see so much loveliness passing
and repassing before us ， and yet not dare to lay hold of it ！ And laying
hold is the most natural of human instincts。 Do not children touch everything
they see？ And I！
NOVEMBER 3。 Witness ， Heaven ， how often I lie down in my bed with
a wish， and even a hope， that I may never awaken again。 And in the morning，
when I open my eyes ， I behold the sun once more ， and am wretched。
If I were whimsical ， I might blame the weather， or an acquaintance ，
or some personal disappointment ， for my discontented mind ； and then
this insupportable load of trouble would not rest entirely upon myself。
But ， alas ！ I feel it too sadly。 I am alone the cause of my own woe，
am I not？ Truly， my own bosom contains the source of all my sorrow，
as it previously contained the source of all my pleasure。 Am I not the
same being who once enjoyed an excess of happiness， who， at every step，
saw paradise open before him， and whose heart was ever expanded toward
the whole world ？ And this heart is now dead ， no sentiment can revive
it； my eyes are dry； and my senses， no more refreshed by the influence
of soft tears ， wither and consume my brain。 I suffer much ， for I have
lost the only charm of life ： that active， sacred power which created
worlds around me，—— it is no more。 When I look from my window at the
distant hills ， and behold the morning sun breaking through the mists，
and illuminating the country around ， which is still wrapped in silence，
whilst the soft stream winds gently through the willows ， which have
shed their leaves ； when glorious nature displays all her beauties before
me， and her wondrous prospects are ineffectual to extract one tear of
joy from my withered heart， I feel that in such a moment I stand like
a reprobate before heaven ， hardened ， insensible ， and unmoved。 Oftentimes
do I then bend my knee to the earth ， and implore God for the blessing
of tears， as the desponding labourer in some scorching climate prays
for the dews of heaven to moisten his parched corn。 But I feel that God
does not grant sunshine or rain to our importunate entreaties。 And oh ，
those bygone days ， whose memory now torments me ！ why were they so
fortunate ？ Because I then waited with patience for the blessings of
the Eternal ， and received his gifts with t