‘We try to take care of our patients；‘ she said with a friendly and unaccustomed expression。
‘A face as pretty as yours should do that more；‘ Kelly told her。
‘Do what？‘
‘Smile。‘
‘It‘s hard；‘ she said； serious again。
‘I know； ma‘am。 But I did have you laughing before；‘ Kelly told her。
‘You surprised me。‘
‘It‘s Tim； isn‘t it？‘ he asked； jolting her。 People weren‘t supposed to talk about that； were they？
She stared into Kelly‘s eyes for perhaps five seconds。 ‘I just don‘t understand。‘
‘In some ways it‘s easy。 In some ways it‘s hard。 The hard part；‘ Kelly said； thinking it through himself as he did so； ‘is understanding why people make it necessary； why people do things like that。 What it es down to is； there are bad people out there； and somebody has to deal with them； ‘cuz if you don‘t； then someday they‘ll deal with you。 You can try ignoring them； but that doesn‘t ever work； really。 And sometimes you see things you just can‘t ignore。‘ Kelly leaned back； searching for more words。 ‘You see lots of bad things here； Sandy。 I‘ve seen worse。 I‘ve watched people doing things …‘
‘Your nightmare？‘
Kelly nodded。 ‘That‘s right。 I almost got myself killed that night。‘
‘What was …‘
‘You don‘t want to know； honest。 I mean； I don‘t understand that part either； how people can do things like that。 Maybe they believe in something so much that they stop remembering that it‘s important to be human。 Maybe they want something so much that they don‘t care。 Maybe there‘s just something wrong with them； how they think； how they feel。 I don‘t know。 But what they do is real。 Somebody has to try and stop it。‘ Even when you know it‘s not going to work； Kelly didn‘t have the heart to add。 How could he tell her that her husband had died for a failure？
‘My husband was a knight in shiny armor on a white horse？ Is that what you‘re telling me？‘
‘You‘re the one wearing white； Sandy。 You fight against one kind of enemy。 There‘s other kinds。 Somebody has to fight against them； too。‘
‘I‘ll never understand why Tim had to die。‘
It really came down to that； Kelly thought。 It wasn‘t about great political or social issues。 Everyone had a life； which was supposed to have a natural end after an amount of time determined by God or Fate or something men weren‘t supposed to control。 He‘d seen young men die； and caused his share of deaths； each life something of value to its owner and others； and how did you explain to the others what it was all about？ For that matter； how did you explain it to yourself？ But that was from the outside。 From the inside it was something else。 Maybe that was the answer。
‘You do some pretty hard work； right？‘
‘Yes；‘ Sandy said； nodding a little。
‘Why not do something easier？ I mean； work a department where it‘s different； I don‘t know … the nursery； maybe？ That‘s a happy place； right？‘
‘Pretty much；‘ the nurse admitted。
‘It‘s still important； too； right？ Taking care of little babies； it‘s routine； yeah； but it still has to be done the right way； doesn‘t it？‘
‘Of course。‘
‘But you don‘t do that。 You work Neuro。 You do the hard stuff。‘
‘Somebody has to …‘ Bingo！ Kelly thought； cutting her off。
‘It‘s hard … hard to do the work； hard on you … it hurts you some； right？‘
‘Sometimes。‘
‘But you do it anyway；‘ Kelly pointed out。
‘Yes；‘ Sandy said； not as an admission； but something stronger。
‘That‘s why Tim did what he did。‘ He saw the understanding there； or perhaps the beginnings of it； just for a moment before her lingering grief pushed the argument aside。
‘It still doesn‘t make sense。‘
‘Maybe the thing doesn‘t make sense； but the people do；‘ Kelly suggested。 That was about as far as his mind stretched。 ‘Sorry； I‘m not a priest； just a broken…down Navy chief。‘
‘Not too broken down；‘ O‘Toole said； finishing her lunch。
‘And part of that is your doing； ma‘am。 Thank you。‘ That earned him another smile。
‘Not all our patients get better。 We‘re kind of proud of those who do。‘
‘Maybe we‘re all trying to save the world； Sandy； one little bit at a time；‘ Kelly said。 He rose and insisted on walking her back to the unit。 It took the whole five minutes to say what he wanted to say。
‘You know； I‘d like to have dinner with you； maybe？ Not now； but； well …‘
‘I‘ll think about it；‘ she allowed； half dismissing the idea； half wondering about it； knowing as Kelly did that it was too soon for both of them； though probably not as much for her。 What sort of man was this？ she asked herself。 What were the dangers of knowing him？
C13
CHAPTER 13
Agendas
It was his first…ever visit to the Pentagon。 Kelly felt ill at ease； wondering if he should have worn his khaki chiefs uniform； but his time for wearing that had passed。 Instead he wore a blue lightweight suit； with a miniature of the Navy Cross ribbon on the lapel。 Arriving in the bus and car tunnel； he walked up a ramp and searched for a map of the vast building； which he quickly scanned and memorized。 Five minutes later he entered the proper office。
‘Yes？‘ a petty officer asked。
‘John Kelly； I have an appointment with Admiral Maxwell。‘ He was invited to take a seat。 On the coffee table was a copy of Navy Times； which he hadn‘t read since leaving the service。 But Kelly was able to control his nostalgia。 The bitches and gripes he read about hadn‘t changed very much。
‘Mr Kelly？‘ a voice called。 He rose and walked through the open door。 After it closed； a red do…not…disturb light blinked on to warn people off。
‘How are you feeling； John？‘ Maxwell asked first of all。
‘Fine； sir； thank you。‘ Civilian now or not； Kelly could not help feeling uneasy in the presence of a flag officer。 That got worse at once when another door opened to admit two more men； one in civilian clothes； the other a rear admiral … another aviator； Kelly saw； with the medal of honor； which was even more intimidating。 Maxwell did the introductions。
‘I‘ve heard a lot about you；‘ Podulski said； shaking the younger man‘s hand。
‘Thank you； sir。‘ Kelly didn‘t know what else to say。
‘Cas and I go back a ways；‘ Maxwell observed； handling the introductions。 ‘I got fifteen‘ … he pointed to the aircraft panel hanging on the wall … ‘Cas got eighteen。‘
‘All on film； too；‘ Podulski assured him。
‘I didn‘t get any；‘ Greer said； ‘but I didn‘t let the oxygen rot my brain either。‘ In addition to wearing soft clothes； this admiral had the map case。 He took one out； the same panel he had back at his home； but more marked up。 Then came the photographs； and Kelly got another look at the face of Colonel Zacharias； this time enhanced somehow or other； and recognizably similar to the ID photo Greer put next to it。
‘I was within three miles of the place；‘ Kelly noted。 ‘Nobody ever told me about …‘
‘It wasn‘t there yet。 This place is new； less than two years old；‘ Greer explained。
‘Any more pictures； James？‘ Maxwell asked。
‘Just some SR…71 overheads； high…obliques； nothing new in them。 I have a guy checking every frame of this place； a good guy； ex…Air Force。 He reports to me only。‘
‘You‘re going to be a good spy；‘ Podulski noted with a chuckle。
‘They need