苔斯- 第13部分

‘No，　certainly　not，　that's　why　I　went　home，　to　talk　to　them　both．’

‘I　feel　I　cannot—never，　never！’

‘Is　it　too　sudden，　my　pretty？　I'll　give　you　time．　I　won't　mention　it　again　for　a　while．’

She　tried　to　skim　again，　but　her　tears　fell　so　that　she　could　not　do　it．　She　could　never　explain　her　sadness，　even　to　this　her　best　friend．　Clare　began　to　talk　more　generally，　to　calm　her．He　talked　about　his　father's　religious　views，　and　the　good　work　he　did．　He　mentioned　the　insults　his　father　had　received　from　a　young　man　near　Trantridge　who　had　a　blind　mother．

Tess　now　looked　hard　and　worn，and　her　mouth　was　tragic．Clare　did　not　notice．　They　finished　skimming　and　he　said　to　her　softly：

‘And　my　question，　Tessy？’

‘Oh　no—no！’　she　replied，　hopelessly，　thinking　bitterly　of　Alec　d’Urberville．‘　It　can't　be！’

She　went　out　with　the　other　milkmaids　to　the　cows　in　the　fields．　Angel　watched　her　moving　freely　in　the　air　like　a　swimmer　on　a　wave．He　knew　he　was　right　to　choose　a　wife　from　nature，　not　from　civilization．

　　



　


13

　　

Clare　was　not　depressed　by　Tess's　refusal，　feeling　sure　that　she　would　finally　accept　him．　A　few　days　later　he　asked　her　again．

‘Tess，　why　did　you　say　“no”　so　positively？’

‘I'm　not　good　enough．’

‘Not　enough　of　a　fine　lady？’

‘Yes．　Your　family　would　not　respect　me．’

‘You　know，　you're　wrong．My　father　and　mother　would．And　I　don't　care　about　my　brothers．’He　held　her　to　stop　her　slipping　away．‘You　didn't　mean　it，　did　you？　I　can't　work　or　read　or　play　or　anything　until　I　know　that　you　will　some　day　be　mine！　Say　you　will，Tess！’

She　could　only　shake　her　head　and　look　away．

‘Then　I　ought　not　to　hold　you，　to　talk　to　you　like　this？Why，Tess？’

‘It　is　for　your　good，my　dearest！　I　can't　give　myself　the　great　happiness　of　promising　to　be　yours—because　I　am　sure　I　ought　not　to！’

‘But　you　will　make　me　happy！’

‘Ah，　you　think　so，　but　you　don't　know！’

After　a　struggle　like　this，　Tess　would　go　to　the　fields　or　her　room　to　cry．　Her　heart　was　so　strongly　on　the　side　of　his　that　she　feared　she　might　give　way．

‘Why　doesn't　somebody　tell　him　all　about　me？’she　thought．‘It　was　only　forty　miles　away．　Somebody　must　know！’But　nobody　knew　and　nobody　told　him．

Tess's　life　now　had　two　parts，　positive　pleasure　and　positive　pain．　Every　time　she　and　Angel　were　alone　together　he　would　ask　her　again，　and　she　would　refuse．　She　was　keeping　her　promise　to　herself，　but　in　her　heart　of　hearts　Tess　knew　that　eventually　she　would　accept　him．Love　and　nature　both　advised　her　to　have　him　without　thinking　of　complications，　to　delight　in　passion　without　considering　future　pain．

‘I　know　I　shall　say　yes—I　can't　help　it！’She　cried　to　herself　in　bed　one　night．‘But　it　may　kill　him　when　he　knows！　Oh，　oh！’

‘I've　got　some　news　for　you　all，　said　Dairyman　Crick　as　they　sat　down　to　breakfast　one　Sunday　morning．‘It's　that　Jack　Dollop　again．’

‘The　lover　in　the　butter－churn？’　said　Angel　Clare，looking　up　from　his　newspaper．‘And　has　he　married　the　young　milkmaid，　as　he　promised？’

‘Not　he，　sir，’replied　the　dairyman．‘He's　married　an　older　woman　who　had　￡　50　a　year．　They　married　in　a　great　hurry　and　then　she　told　him　that　by　marrying　she'd　lost　her￡50　a　year！　He　only　married　her　for　her　money　too．So　now　they're　always　quarrelling．’

‘She　ought　to　have　told　him　just　before　they　went　to　church，’　said　Marian．

‘She　ought　to　have　seen　he　only　wanted　her　money，　and　refused　him，’said　Retty．

‘What　do　you　say，　my　dear？　the　dairyman　asked　Tess．

‘I　think　she　ought…　to　have　told　him　the　truth—or　else　refused　him…　I　don't　know，’　replied　Tess，　who　could　not　swallow　her　food．　She　soon　left　the　table　and　went　into　the　fields，　feeling　the　pain　in　the　story．　She　had　continued　to　refuse　Angel's　offers　of　marriage，　but　from　that　Sunday　he　changed　his　approach　towards　her．He　looked　for　her　and　came　to　talk　to　her　at　every　possible　moment，　at　milking，　butter…making，　cheese…making，　among　chickens　and　among　pigs．She　knew　she　could　not　resist　much　longer．　She　loved　him　so　passionately，　and　he　was　so　like　a　god　in　her　eyes．　He　treated　her　as　if　he　would　love　and　defend　her　under　any　circumstances．　This　began　to　make　her　feel　less　afraid　about　agreeing　to　marry　him，　and　telling　him　the　truth　about　herself．

The　days　were　shorter　now，　and　in　the　mornings　the　dairy　worked　by　candlelight．One　morning　between　three　and　four　she　ran　up　to　Clare's　room　to　wake　him，　before　waking　the　others．　Having　dressed，　she　was　about　to　go　downstairs　when　Angel　came　out　of　his　room　and　stopped　her．

‘Now，　miss，’he　said　firmly．‘You　must　give　me　an　answer　or　I　shall　have　to　leave　the　house．　You　aren't　safe　with　me．　I　saw　you　just　now　in　your　nightdress．　Well？　Is　it　yes　at　last？’

‘I　really　will　think　seriously　about　it，Mr　Clare．’

‘Call　me　Angel　then，　and　not　Mr　Clare．　Why　not　Angel　dearest？’

‘It　would　mean　I　agree，　wouldn't　it？’

‘It　would　only　mean　you　love　me，　and　you　did　admit　that　long　ago．’

‘Very　well　then，　Angel　dearest，if　I　must，’she　murmured，smiling．　Clare　could　not　resist　kissing　her　warm　cheek．

After　milking　and　skimming，　all　the　dairy　people　went　outside．　Tess　generously　tried　for　the　last　time　to　interest　Angel　in　the　other　dairymaids．

‘There's　more　in　those　three　than　you　think，　she　said．

‘Any　of　them　would　make　you　a　better　wife　than　I　could．　And　perhaps　they　love　you　as　much　as　I　do—almost．’

‘Oh　Tessy！’　he　cried　impatiently．　She　was　so　relieved　to　hear　this　that　she　could　not　make　any　further　self…sacrifice．She　knew　that　this　day　would　decide　it．

In　the　late　afternoon　Angel　Clare　offered　to　drive　the　waggon　with　its　buckets　of　milk　to　the　station．　He　persuaded　Tess　to　go　with　him．

At　first　there　was　silence　as　they　drove　along　the　quiet　road，simply　enjoying　being　close　to　each　other．Soon　drops　of　rain　started　falling．Tess's　cheeks　were　pink　and　her　long　hair　was　wet．She　had　no　jacket，　and　crept　close　to　Clare．　She　held　an　old　piece　of　cloth　over　them　both　to　keep　the　rain　off．

‘Well，　dear，’　said　Angel，‘　what　about　my　question？’

‘I'll　answer　you　soon．’

‘Before　we　get　home？’

‘I'll　try．’

They　passed　an　old　house．　Angel　explained　that　it　was　an　interesting　place　which　belonged　to　the　ancient　family　of　the　d’Urbervilles．

‘It's　very　sad　when　a　noble　family　dies　out，’he　said．

‘Yes，’　said　Tess．

At　last　they　reached　the　station　and　watched　the　milk　being　lifted　on　to　the　train．　Tess　was　fascinated．

‘Londoners　will　drink　it　for　breakfast，　won't　they？　People　who　don't　know　we　drove　for　miles　in　the　rain　so　that　it　might　reach　them　in　time．’

‘That's　true，　but　we　drove　a　little　for　our　own　reasons　too．Now　Tess，’　he　said　anxiously，　as　they　drove　away　into　the　night，‘your　heart　belongs　to　me．Why　can't　you　give　me　your　hand　as　well？’

‘My　only　reason　is　you…　I　have　something　to　tell　you—I　must　fell　you　about　my　past　life！’

‘Tell　me　if　you　want　to，　dearest．I　expect　you