苔斯- 第21部分

At　home　that　night　she　began　a　letter　to　Clare，telling　him　of　her　great　love　for　him．Reading　between　the　lines　he　would　have　seen　her　secret　fear　for　the　future．But　again　she　could　not　finish　the　letter，thinking　of　his　offer　to　lzz，and　so　he　never　received　it．

On　a　Sunday　in　February　she　was　eating　her　lunch　in　the　cottage　where　she　lived，when　d’Urberville　knocked　at　the　door．He　rushed　in　and　threw　himself　into　a　chair．

‘Tess！’he　cried　desperately．‘I　can't　help　it！I　can't　stop　thinking　of　you！Pray　for　me，Tess！’

Tess　did　not　pity　him．‘I　cannot　because　I　don't　believe　God　would　change　His　plans　just　because　I　asked　Him．’

‘Who　told　you　that？’

‘My　husband．’

‘Ah，your　dear　husband…　Tell　me　what　he　believes．’

Tess　explained，as　clearly　as　she　could　remember，Angel's　beliefs．Alec　watched　her　closely．

‘The　fact　is，you　just　believe　whatever　he　says．That's　just　like　you　women！’

‘Ah，that's　because　he　knows　everything！’Tess　replied　with　enthusiasm．‘What　is　good　enough　for　him　is　good　enough　for　me．’

‘H'm，interesting，’murmured　d’Urberville．‘Perhaps　he　understands　religion　better　than　old　Mr　Clare．Perhaps　he's　right　not　to　attach　too　much　importance　to　the　Bible　and　to　fixed　ideas．Perhaps　I　was　wrong　to　become　a　preacher．Today　I　should　be　preaching　at　half－past　two，and　here　I　am！My　passion　for　you　was　too　strong　for　me！’

‘You　have　let　all　those　people　down？They　are　waiting　for　you！’

‘What　do　I　care？You　are　the　one　woman　I　have　always　wanted．Why　have　you　tempted　me　away　from　religion？I　can't　resist　you！’His　black　eyes　flashed　passionately．He　advanced　towards　her．

‘I　couldn't　help　your　seeing　me　again！’cried　Tess，moving　nervously　away　from　him．‘Please　leave　me！Remember　I　am　married！Remember　I　can't　defend　myself！’

Alec　stopped，turned，and　went　out　without　another　word．But　he　went　on　thinking　of　Angel's　religious　logic，as　explained　by　Tess．It　seemed　to　make　sense．‘That　clever　husband　doesn't　know　that　his　ideas　may　lead　me　back　to　her！’he　laughed　to　himself．

In　March　the　threshing－machine　came　for　a　day　to　Flintcomb－Ash．It　was　a　huge　red　machine　which　ate　all　the　corn　the　farm－workers　could　feed　it．Next　to　it　stood　the　engine　which　ran　it，and　the　engineer．He　lived　in　a　world　of　fire　and　smoke，and　was　permanently　black，as　if　he　came　from　hell．The　farmer　put　Tess　next　to　the　threshing－machine，so　that　she　had　the　hardest　and　most　tiring　job　of　all．She　had　little　chance　to　talk　or　rest，and　at　lunch　time　was　about　to　start　eating　when　she　noticed　d’Urberville　approaching．He　had　Changed　his　parson's　clothes　and　now　looked　just　like　the　young　gentleman　she　had　first　met　at　Trantridge．

‘I　am　here　again，you　see，’he　said，smiling　at　her．

‘Why　do　you　bother　me　like　this？’she　cried．

‘You　trouble　me！Your　eyes　look　at　me　night　and　day．I　can't　forget　them．Tess，when　you　told　me　about　that　child　of　ours，my　feelings　for　you　became　strong　again．I　have　lost　interest　in　religion　and　it　is　your　fault！’

‘You　have　stopped　preaching？’asked　Tess，shocked．

‘I　have．What　a　lot　of　stupid　people　they　are　to　listen　to　a　preacher　anyway！And　I　am　convinced　that　your　wonderful　husband's　views　are　better　than　old　Parson　Clare's．I　don't　know　how　I　became　so　enthusiastic！So　now，here　I　am，my　love，just　as　in　the　old　times！’

‘Not　like　that　at　all，no，now　it's　different！’she　said　firmly．‘Oh　why　couldn't　you　stay　religious？’

‘Because　you've　explained　your　husband's　ideas　so　well　to　me　that　I　accept　them！Ha　ha！But　seriously，Tess，you　need　help．I　am　here　and　this　husband　of　yours　is　not．Come　with　me！My　carriage　is　waiting　the　other　side　of　the　field！You　have　tempted　me，now　share　my　life　for　ever！’He　put　an　arm　round　her　waist．Tess　was　red　with　anger　but　said　nothing．She　picked　up　a　heavy　leather　glove　and　hit　him　in　the　face　with　it．It　was　an　action　which　her　ancestors　must　have　often　practised．Alec　jumped　up　and　wiped　the　blood　from　his　mouth．

‘Remember　one　thing！’he　said　angrily，only　just　controlling　himself　as　he　held　her　by　the　shoulders．‘Remember，my　lady，if　you　are　any　man's　wife，you　are　mine！I　will　have　you　again！I'll　come　back　for　an　answer　later　on！’

So　he　left，and　the　farm－workers　started　the　afternoon's　threshing．It　went　on　until　the　evening，as　the　work　had　to　be　finished　that　day．Tess　became　more　and　more　exhausted　and　was　near　to　fainting　when　they　finally　stopped．Alec　d’Urberville，who　had　been　waiting　for　this　moment，appeared　at　her　side．

‘You　are　so　weak，’he　said，holding　her　arm．‘I've　told　the　farmer　he　should　not　use　women　for　work　with　the　threshing－machine．It's　too　hard．I'll　walk　home　with　you．’

‘Oh　yes，please　do！’murmured　Tess，too　tired　to　be　afraid　of　him．‘You　are　kind　sometimes．And　at　least　you　wanted　to　put　right　the　wrong　by　offering　to　marry　me．’

‘If　I　can't　marry　you，at　least　I　can　help　you．I　have　finished　with　religion．But　you　must　trust　me！I　have　enough　money　to　help　your　family　and　make　them　comfortable．’

‘Have　you　seen　them　lately？’asked　Tess　quickly．‘God　knows　they　need　help…but　no—no，I　can　take　nothing　from　you，either　for　them　or　for　me！Please　leave　me　alone！’

As　soon　as　she　reached　her　room　she　wrote　a　passionate　letter　to　Angel．My　own　husband，

I　must　call　you　that．I　must　ask　you　for　help—I　have　no　one　else！I　am　so　open　to　temptation，Angel！I　cannot　tell　you　who　it　is．Can't　you　come　to　me　now，before　anything　terrible　happens？I　know　you　are　far　away，but　I　need　help！I　know　I　deserved　the　punishment　you　gave　me，but　please，Angel，please　be　kind　to　me！If　you　would　come，I　could　die　in　your　arms！

I　live　only　for　you．Don't　think　I　shall　be　bitter　because　you　left　me．I　am　so　lonely　without　you，my　darling！

Haven't　you　ever　felt　one　little　bit　of　your　love　for　me　at　the　dairy？I　am　the　same　woman　you　fell　in　love　with　then，the　very　same．As　soon　as　I　met　you，the　past　was　dead　for　me．Can't　you　see　this？

How　silly　I　was　to　trust　that　you　would　always　love　me！I　ought　to　have　known　I　couldn't　be　so　lucky．

People　say　I　am　still　rather　pretty，Angel．But　I　don't　care　about　my　looks　because　you　are　not　here．

If　you　won't　come　to　me，could　I　come　to　you？I'm　so　worried！I'm　afraid　I　may　fall　into　some　wicked　trap．Save　me　from　what　threatens　me！

Your　faithful　heartbroken

Tess　

　　



　


18

　　

This　desperate　cry　for　help　eventually　arrived　at　the　parson's　house　in　Emminster．Old　Mr　Clare　was　pleased．

‘I　think　this　letter　is　from　Angel's　wife．I　hope　this　will　bring　him　home　more　quickly．He　did　say　he　was　planning　to　come　home　next　month．’

‘Dear　boy，I　hope　he　will　get　home　safely，’murmured　Mrs　Clare．‘I　still　feel　he　should　have　gone　university　like　the　other　two．He　should　have　had　the　same　chance　as　them，Church　or　no　Church．’

This　was　the　only　complaint　she　ever　made　to　her　husband．He　too　was　worried　that　he　had　been　unfair　to　Angel．They　blamed　themselves　for　this　unfortunate　marriage．If　Angel　had　studied　at　Cambridge　he　would　never　have　become　a　farmer　and　married　a　country