2 new+moon新月- 第12部分

After　all；　what　had　happened　last　night　was　nothing。　Nothing　had　happened。　So　I　fell　down—that　was　
the　story　of　my　life。　pared　to　last　spring；　it　seemed　especially　unimportant。　James　had　left　me　broken　
and　nearly　dead　from　loss　of　blood—and　yet　Edward　had　handled　the　interminable　weeks　in　the　hospital　
much　better　than　this。　Was　it　because；　this　time；　it　wasn't　an　enemy　he'd　had　to　protect　me　from？　
Because　it　was　his　brother？　

Maybe　it　would　be　better　if　he　took　me　away；　rather　than　his　family　being　scattered。　I　grew　slightly　less　
depressed　as　I　considered　all　the　uninterrupted　alone　time。　If　he　could　just　last　through　the　school　year；　
Charlie　wouldn't　be　able　to　object。　We　could　go　away　to　college；　or　pretend　that's　what　we　were　doing；　
like　Rosalie　and　Emmett　this　year。　Surely　Edward　could　wait　a　year。　What　was　a　year　to　an　immortal？　It　
didn't　even　seem　like　that　much　to　me。　

I　was　able　to　talk　myself　into　enough　posure　to　handle　getting　out　of　the　truck　and　walking　to　the　
store。　Mike　Newton　had　beaten　me　here　today；　and　he　smiled　and　waved　when　I　came　in。　I　grabbed　my　
vest；　nodding　vaguely　in　his　direction。　I　was　still　imagining　pleasant　scenarios　that　consisted　of　me　running　
away　with　Edward　to　various　exotic　locales。　

Mike　interrupted　my　fantasy。　〃How　was　your　birthday？〃　

〃Ugh；〃　I　mumbled。　〃I'm　glad　it's　over。〃　

Mike　looked　at　me　from　the　corners　of　his　eyes　like　I　was　crazy。　

Work　dragged。　I　wanted　to　see　Edward　again；　praying　that　he　would　be　past　the　worst　of　this；　whatever　
it　was　exactly；　by　the　time　I　saw　him　again。　It's　nothing；　I　told　myself　over　and　over　again。　Everything　will　
go　back　to　normal。　

The　relief　I　felt　when　I　turned　onto　my　street　and　saw　Edward's　silver　car　parked　in　front　of　my　house　
was　an　overwhelming；　heady　thing。　And　it　bothered　me　deeply　that　it　should　be　that　way。　

I　hurried　through　the　front　door；　calling　out　before　I　was　pletely　inside。　

〃Dad？　Edward？〃　

As　I　spoke；　I　could　hear　the　distinctive　theme　music　from　ESPN's　SportsCenter　ing　from　the　living　
room。　

〃In　here；〃　Charlie　called。　

I　hung　my　raincoat　on　its　peg　and　hurried　around　the　corner。　

Edward　was　in　the　armchair；　my　father　on　the　sofa。　Both　had　their　eyes　trained　on　the　TV。　The　focus　was　
normal　for　my　father。　Not　so　much　for　Edward。　

〃Hi；〃　I　said　weakly。　

〃Hey；　Bella；〃　my　father　answered；　eyes　never　moving。　〃We　just　had　cold　pizza。　I　think　it's　still　on　the　
table。〃　

〃Okay。〃　

I　waited　in　the　doorway。　Finally；　Edward　looked　over　at　me　with　a　polite　smile。　〃I'll　be　right　behind　you；〃　
he　promised。　His　eyes　strayed　back　to　the　TV。　

I　stared　for　another　minute；　shocked。　Neither　one　seemed　to　notice。　I　could　feel　something；　panic　maybe；　
building　up　in　my　chest。　I　escaped　to　the　kitchen。　

The　pizza　held　no　interest　for　me。　I　sat　in　my　chair；　pulled　my　knees　up；　and　wrapped　my　arms　around　
them。　Something　was　very　wrong；　maybe　more　wrong　than　I'd　realized。　The　sounds　of　male　bonding　and　
banter　continued　from　the　TV　set。　

I　tried　to　get　control　of　myself；　to　reason　with　myself。　

What's　the　worst　that　can　happen？　I　flinched。　That　was　definitely　the　wrong　question　to　ask。　I　was　
having　a　hard　time　breathing　right。　

Okay；　I　thought　again；　what's　the　worst　I　can　live　through？　I　didn't　like　that　question　so　much；　either。　
But　I　thought　through　the　possibilities　I'd　considered　today。　

Staying　away　from　Edward's　family。　Of　course；　he　wouldn't　expect　Alice　to　be　part　of　that。　But　if　Jasper　
was　off　limits；　that　would　lessen　the　time　I　could　have　with　her。　I　nodded　to　myself—I　could　live　with　
that。　

Or　going　away。　Maybe　he　wouldn't　want　to　wait　till　the　end　of　the　school　year；　maybe　it　would　have　to　
be　now。　

In　front　of　me；　on　the　table；　my　presents　from　Charlie　and　Renee　were　where　I　had　left　them；　the　camera　
I　hadn't　had　the　chance　to　use　at　the　Cullens'　sitting　beside　the　album。　I　touched　the　pretty　cover　of　the　
scrapbook　my　mother　had　given　me；　and　sighed；　thinking　of　Renee。　Somehow；　living　without　her　for　as　
long　as　I　had　did　not　make　the　idea　of　a　more　permanent　separation　easier。　And　Charlie　would　be　left　all　
alone　here；　abandoned。　They　would　both　be　so　hurt…　

But　we'd　e　back；　right？　We'd　visit；　of　course；　wouldn't　we？　

I　couldn't　be　certain　about　the　answer　to　that。　

I　leaned　my　cheek　against　my　knee；　staring　at　the　physical　tokens　of　my　parents'　love。　I'd　known　this　path　
I'd　chosen　was　going　to　be　hard。　And；　after　all；　I　was　thinking　about　the　worstcase　scenario—the　very　
worst　I　could　live　through。　

I　touched　the　scrapbook　again；　flipping　the　front　cover　over。　Little　metal　corners　were　already　in　place　to　
hold　the　first　picture。　It　wasn't　a　halfbad　idea；　to　make　some　record　of　my　life　here。　I　felt　a　strange　urge　
to　get　started。　Maybe　I　didn't　have　that　long　left　in　Forks。　

I　toyed　with　the　wrist　strap　on　the　camera；　wondering　about　the　first　picture　on　the　roll。　Could　it　possibly　
turn　out　anything　close　to　the　original？　I　doubted　it。　But　he　didn't　seem　worried　that　it　would　be　blank。　I　
chuckled　to　myself；　thinking　of　his　carefree　laughter　last　night。　The　chuckle　died　away。　So　much　had　
changed；　and　so　abruptly。　It　made　me　feel　a　little　bit　dizzy；　like　I　was　standing　on　an　edge；　a　precipice　
somewhere　much　too　high。　

I　didn't　want　to　think　about　that　anymore。　I　grabbed　the　camera　and　headed　up　the　stairs。　

My　room　hadn't　really　changed　all　that　much　in　the　seventeen　years　since　my　mother　had　been　here。　The　
walls　were　still　light　blue；　the　same　yellowed　lace　curtains　hung　in　front　of　the　window。　There　was　a　bed；　
rather　than　a　crib；　but　she　would　recognize　the　quilt　draped　untidily　over　the　top—it　had　been　a　gift　ROM　
Gran。　

Regardless；　I　snapped　a　picture　of　my　room。　There　wasn't　much　else　I　could　do　tonight—it　was　too　dark　
outside—and　the　feeling　was　growing　stronger；　it　was　almost　a　pulsion　now。　I　would　record　
everything　about　Forks　before　I　had　to　leave　it。　

Change　was　ing。　I　could　feel　it。　It　wasn't　a　pleasant　prospect；　not　when　life　was　perfect　the　way　it　
was。　

I　took　my　time　ing　back　down　the　stairs；　camera　in　hand；　trying　to　ignore　the　butterflies　in　my　

stomach　as　I　thought　of　the　strange　distance　I　didn't　want　to　see　in　Edward's　eyes。　He　would　get　over　
this。　Probably　he　was　worried　that　I　would　be　upset　when　he　asked　me　to　leave。　I　would　let　him　work　
through　it　without　meddling。　And　I　would　be　prepared　when　he　asked。　

I　had　the　camera　ready　as　I　leaned　around　the　corner；　being　sneaky。　I　was　sure　there　was　no　chance　that　
I　had　caught　Edward　by　surprise；　but　he　didn't　look　up。　I　felt　a　brief　shiver　as　something　icy　twisted　in　my　
stomach；　I　ignored　that　and　took　the　picture。　

They　both　looked　at　me　then。　Charlie　frowned。　Edward's　face　was　empty；　expressionless。　

〃What　are　you　doing；　Bella？〃　Charlie　plained。　

〃Oh；　e　on。〃　I　pretended　to　smile　as　I　went　to　sit　on　the　floor　in　front　of　the　sofa　where　Charlie　
lounged。　〃You　know　Mom　will　be　calling　soon　to　ask　if　I'm　using　my　presents。　I　have　to　get　to　work　
before　she　can　get　her　feelings　hurt。〃　

〃Why　are　you　taking　pictures　of　me；　though？〃　he　grumbled。　

〃Because　you're　so