the notebook-恋恋笔记本(英文版)- 第12部分

He　grabbed　a　quilt　for　her　in　case　she　got　cold；　and　soon　they　had　taken　their　places　again；　the　quilt　over　her　legs；　rockers　moving。　Noah　watched　her　from　the　corner　of　his　eye。　God；　she’s　beautiful；　he　thought。　And　inside　he　ached。

For　something　had　happened　during　dinner。

Quite　simply；　he　had　fallen　in　love　again。　He　knew　that　now　as　they　sat　next　to　one　another。　Fallen　in　love　with　a　new　Allie；　not　just　her　memory。　But　then　he　had　never　really　stopped；　and　this；　he　realized；　was　his　destiny。

“It’s　been　quite　a　night。”　he　said；　his　voice　softer　now。

“Yes；　it　has。”　she　said；　“a　wonderful　night。”

Noah　glanced　up　at　the　stars；　their　twinkling　lights　reminding　him　that　she　would　he　leaving　soon；　and　he　felt　almost　empty　inside。　This　was　a　night　he　wanted　never　to　end。　How　should　he　tell　her？　What　could　he　say　that　would　make　her　stay’？

He　didn’t　know。　And　thus　the　decision　was　made　to　say　nothing。　And　he　realized　then　that　he　had　failed。

The　rockers　moved　in　quiet　rhythm。

“Talk　to　me；”　she　finally　said；　her　voice　sensual。　Or　was　his　mind　playing　tricks’？

“What　should　I　say？”

“Talk　like　you　did　to　me　under　the　oak　tree。”

And　he　did；　reciting　distant　passages；　toasting　the　night。　Whitman　and　Thomas；　because　he　loved　the　images；　Tennyson　and　Browning；　because　their　themes　felt　so　familiar。

She　rested　her　head　against　the　back　of　the　rocker；　closing　her　eyes。　It　wasn’t　just　the　poems　or　his　voice　that　did　it。　It　was　all　of　it；　the　whole　greater　than　the　sum　of　the　parts。　She　didn’t　try　to　break　it　down；　didn’t　want　to；　because　it　wasn’t　meant　to　he　listened　to　that　way。　Poetry；　she　thought；　wasn’t　written　to　he　analysed：　it　was　meant　to　inspire　without　reason；　to　touch　without　understanding。

They　rocked　for　a　while；　drinking　tea；　sitting　quietly；　drifting　in　their　thoughts。　The　pulsion　that　had　driven　her　here　was　gone　now—she　was　glad　of　this—but　she　worried　about　the　feelings　that　had　taken　its　place；　the　stirrings　that　had　begun　to　sift　and　swirl　in　her　pores　like　gold　dust　in　river　pans。　She’d　tried　to　deny　them；　hide　from　them；　but　now　she　realized　that　she　didn’t　want　them　to　stop。

Lon　could　not　evoke　these　feelings　in　her。　He　never　had　and　probably　never　would。　Maybe　that　was　why　she　had　never　been　to　bed　with　him。　She　had　always　used　the　excuse　that　she　wanted　to　wait　until　marriage。　He　took　it　well；　usually；　and　she　sometimes　wondered　how　hurt　he　would　be　if　he　ever　found　out　about　Noah。

But　there　was　something　else　that　made　her　want　to　wait；　and　it　had　to　do　with　Lon　himself。　He　was　driven　in　his　work；　and　it　always　came　first。　For　him　there　was　no　time　for　poems　and　wasted　evenings　on　porches。　She　knew　this　was　why　he　was　successful；　and　part　of　her　respected　him　for　that。　But　she　also　sensed　it　wasn’t　enough。　She　wanted　something　more。　Passion　and　romance；　perhaps；　or　quiet　conversations　in　candlelit　rooms；　or　perhaps　something　as　simple　as　not　being　second。

Noah；　too；　was　sifting　through　his　thoughts。　As　he　rocked；　he　remembered　the　thousands　of　empty　nights　he　had　spent　since　they’d　last　seen　each　other。　Seeing　her　again　brought　all　those　feelings　to　the　surface；　and　he　found　it　impossible　to　press　them　back　down。　He　knew　then　he　wanted　to　make　love　to　her　again　and　to　have　her　love　in　return。　It　was　what　he　needed　most　in　the　world。

But　he　also　realized　it　could　never　be。　Now　that　she　was　engaged。

Allie　knew　by　his　silence　that　he　was　thinking　about　her　and　found　that　she　revelled　in　it。　She　thought　about　their　conversation　at　dinner　and　wondered　about　loneliness。　For　some　reason　she　couldn’t　picture　him　reading　poetry　to　someone　else　or　even　sharing　his　dreams　with　another　woman。　He　didn’t　seem　the　type。　Either　that；　or　she　didn’t　want　to　believe　it。

She　put　down　the　tea；　then　ran　her　hands　through　her　hair；　closing　her　eyes　as　she　did　so。

“Are　you　tired？”　he　asked；　finally　breaking　free　from　his　thoughts。

“A　little。　I　should　really　he　going　in　a　couple　of　minutes。”

“I　know。”　he　said；　nodding；　his　tone　neutral。

She　didn’t　get　up　right　away。　Instead　she　picked　up　the　cup　and　drank　the　last　swallow　of　tea；　feeling　it　warm　her　throat。　She　took　the　evening　in。　Moon　higher　now；　temperature　dropping。

She　looked　at　Noah。　A　scar　was　visible　on　the　side　of　his　face　that　hadn’t　been　there　before。　She　wondered　if　it　had　happened　during　the　war。　He　hadn’t　mentioned　it　and　she　hadn’t　asked；　mostly　because　she　didn’t　want　to　imagine　him　being　hurt。

“I　should　go；”　she　finally　said；　handing　the　quilt　back　to　him。

Noah　nodded；　then　stood　without　a　word。　He　carried　the　quilt；　and　the　two　of　them　walked　to　her　car　while　fallen　leaves　crunched　beneath　their　feet。　She　started　to　take　off　the　shirt　he’d　lent　her　as　he　opened　the　door；　but　he　stopped　her。

“Keep　it；”　he　said。　“I　want　you　to　have　it。”

She　didn’t　ask　why；　because　she　wanted　to　keep　it；　too。　She　readjusted　it　and　crossed　her　arms　afterwards　to　ward　off　the　chill。　For　some　reason；　as　she　stood　there；　she　was　reminded　of　standing　on　her　front　porch　after　a　high…school　dance；　waiting　for　a　kiss。

“I　had　a　great　time　tonight；”　he　said；　“thank　you　for　finding　me。”

“I　did；　too；”　she　answered。

He　summoned　his　courage。　“Will　I　see　you　tomorrow？”

A　simple　question。　She　knew　what　the　answer　should　be。　“I　don’t　think　we　should；”　was　all　she　had　to　say；　and　it　would　end　right　here　and　now。　But　for　a　second　the　demon　of　choice　confronted　her；　teased　her；　challenged　her。　Why　couldn’t　she　say　it？　As　she　looked　in　his　eyes　to　find　the　answer　she　needed；　she　saw　the　man　she’d　once　fallen　in　love　with；　and　suddenly　it　all　came　clear。

“I’d　like　that。”

Noah　was　surprised。　He　hadn’t　expected　her　to　answer　this　way。　He　wanted　to　touch　her　then；　to　take　her　in　his　arms；　but　he　didn’t。

“Can　you　be　here　about　noon？”

“Sure。　What　do　you　want　to　do？”

“You’ll　see；”　he　answered。　“I　know　just　the　place　to　go。”

“Have　I　ever　been　there　before？”

“No；　but　it’s　a　special　place。　You’ll　love　it。”

She　moved　away　before　he　could　attempt　a　kiss。　She　didn’t　know　if　he　would　try　but　knew　for　some　reason　that；　if　he　did；　she　would　have　a　hard　time　stopping　him。　She　slid　behind　the　wheel；　breathing　a　sigh　of　relief。　He　shut　the　door　for　her；　and　she　started　the　engine。　As　the　car　idled；　she　rolled　down　the　window　just　a　hit。

“See　you　tomorrow；”　she　said；　her　eyes　reflecting　the　moonlight。

Noah　waved　as　she　turned　the　car　around　and　then　drove　up　the　lane；　heading　hack　towards　town。　He　watched　until　the　lights　vanished　behind　far…off　oak　trees　and　the　engine　noise　was　gone。　Clem　wandered　up　to　him　and　he　squatted　down　to　pet　her；　paying　special　attention　to　her　neck；　scratching　the　spot　she　couldn’t　reach　any　more。　Then　they　returned　to　the　back　porch　side　by　side。

He　sat　in　the　rocker　again；　trying　once　more　to　fathom　the　evening　that　had　just　passed。　Replaying　it。　Running　it　in　slow　motion。　“She’s　engaged；”　he　finally　whispered；　and　then　was　silent　for　hours；　his　rocker　making　the　only　noise。　The　night　was　quiet；　with　little　activity　except　for　Clem；　who　checked　on　him　occasionally　as　if　to　ask；　“Are　you