4 breaking dawn破晓- 第117部分

〃You　should　tell　Sam　what's　going　on。　There　might　be　strangers　in　the　woods　soon。〃　

〃Good　point。　Though　I　owe　him　some　silence　after　last　night。〃　

〃Listening　to　Alice　is　usually　the　right　thing。〃　

Jacob's　teeth　ground　together；　and　I　could　see　that　he　shared　Sam's　feelings　about　what　Alice　and　
Jasper　had　done。　

While　they　were　talking；　I　wandered　toward　the　back　windows；　trying　to　look　distracted　and　anxious。　
Not　a　difficult　thing　to　do。　I　leaned　my　head　against　the　wall　that　curved　away　from　the　living　room　
toward　the　dining　room；　right　next　to　one　of　the　puter　desks。　I　ran　my　fingers　against　the　keys　while　



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staring　into　the　forest；　trying　to　make　it　look　like　an　absentminded　thing。　Did　vampires　ever　do　things　
absentmindedly？　I　didn't　think　anyone　was　paying　particular　attention　to　me；　but　I　didn't　turn　to　make　
sure。　The　monitor　glowed　to　life。　I　stroked　my　fingers　across　the　keys　again。　Then　I　drummed　them　very　
quietly　on　the　wooden　desktop；　just　to　make　it　seem　random。　Another　stroke　across　the　keys。　

I　scanned　the　screen　in　my　peripheral　vision。　

No　J。　Jenks；　but　there　was　a　Jason　Jenks。　A　lawyer。　I　brushed　the　keyboard；　trying　to　keep　a　rhythm；　
like　the　preoccupied　stroking　of　a　cat　you'd　all　but　forgotten　on　your　lap。　Jason　Jenks　had　a　fancy　
website　for　his　firm；　but　the　address　on　the　homepage　was　wrong。　In　Seattle；　but　in　a　different　zip　code。　I　
noted　the　phone　number　and　then　stroked　the　keyboard　in　rhythm。　This　time　I　searched　the　address；　but　
nothing　at　all　came　up；　as　if　the　address　didn't　exist。　I　wanted　to　look　at　a　map；　but　I　decided　I　was　
pushing　my　luck。　One　more　brush；　to　delete　the　history___　

I　continued　staring　out　the　window　and　brushed　the　wood　a　few　times。　I　heard　light　footsteps　crossing　
the　floor　to　me；　and　I　turned　with　what　I　hoped　was　the　same　expression　as　before。　

Renesmee　reached　for　me；　and　I　held　my　arms　open。　She　launched　herself　into　them；　smelling　strongly　of　
werewolf；　and　nestled　her　head　against　my　neck。　

I　didn't　know　if　I　could　stand　this。　As　much　as　I　feared　for　my　life；　for　Edward's；　for　the　rest　of　my　
family's；　it　was　not　the　same　as　the　gutwrenching　terror　I　felt　for　my　daughter。　There　had　to　be　a　way　to　
save　her；　even　if　that　was　the　only　thing　I　could　do。　

Suddenly；　I　knew　that　this　was　all　I　wanted　anymore。　The　rest　I　would　bear　if　I　had　to；　but　not　her　life　
being　forfeited。　Not　that。　

She　was　the　one　thing　I　simply　had　to　save。　

Would　Alice　have　known　how　I　would　feel？　

Renesmee's　hand　touched　my　cheek　lightly。　

She　showed　me　my　own　face；　Edward's；　Jacob's；　Rosalie's；　Esme's；　Carlisle's；　Alice's；　Jasper's；　flipping　
through　all　our　family's　faces　faster　and　faster。　Seth　and　Leah。　Charlie；　Sue；　and　Billy。　Over　and　over　
again。　Worrying；　like　the　rest　of　us　were。　She　was　only　worrying；　though。　Jake　had　kept　the　worst　from　
her　as　far　as　I　could　tell。　The　part　about　how　we　had　no　hope；　how　we　all　were　going　to　die　in　a　month's　
time。　

She　settled　on　Alice's　face；　longing　and　confused。　Where　was　Alice？　

〃I　don't　know；〃　I　whispered。　〃But　she's　Alice。　She's　doing　the　right　thing；　like　always。〃　

The　right　thing　for　Alice；　anyway。　I　hated　thinking　of　her　that　way；　but　how　else　could　the　situation　be　
understood？　

Renesmee　sighed；　and　the　longing　intensified。　

〃I　miss　her；　too。〃　

I　felt　my　face　working；　trying　to　find　the　expression　that　went　with　the　grief　inside。　My　eyes　felt　strange　



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and　dry；　they　blinked　against　the　unfortable　feeling。　I　bit　my　lip。　When　I　took　my　next　breath；　the　air　
hitched　in　my　throat；　like　I　was　choking　on　it。　

Renesmee　pulled　back　to　look　at　me；　and　I　saw　my　face　mirrored　in　her　thoughts　and　in　her　eyes。　I　
looked　like　Esme　had　this　morning。　

So　this　was　what　it　felt　like　to　cry。　

Renesmee's　eyes　glistened　wetly　as　she　watched　my　face。　She　stroked　my　face；　showing　me　nothing；　
just　trying　to　soothe　me。　

I'd　never　thought　to　see　the　motherdaughter　bond　reversed　between　us；　the　way　it　had　always　been　for　
Renee　and　me。　But　I　hadn't　had　a　very　clear　view　of　the　future。　

A　tear　welled　up　on　the　edge　of　Renesmee's　eye。　I　wiped　it　away　with　a　kiss。　She　touched　her　eye　in　
amazement　and　then　looked　at　the　wetness　on　her　fingertip。　

〃Don't　cry；〃　I　told　her。　〃It's　going　to　be　okay。　You're　going　to　be　fine。　I　will　find　you　a　way　through　this。〃　

If　there　was　nothing　else　I　could　do；　I　would　still　save　my　Renesmee。　I　was　more　positive　than　ever　that　
this　was　what　Alice　would　give　me。　She　would　know。　She　would　have　left　me　a　way。　

30。　IRRESISTIBLE　

There　was　so　much　to　think　about。　

How　was　I　going　to　find　time　alone　to　hunt　down　J。　Jenks；　and　why　did　Alice　want　me　to　know　about　
him？　

If　Alice's　clue　had　nothing　to　do　with　Renesmee；　what　could　I　do　to　save　my　daughter？　

How　were　Edward　and　I　going　to　explain　things　to　Tanya's　family　in　the　morning？　What　if　they　reacted　
like　Irina？　What　if　it　turned　into　a　fight？　

I　didn't　know　how　to　fight。　How　was　I　going　to　learn　in　just　a　month？　Was　there　any　chance　at　all　that　I　
could　be　taught　fast　enough　that　I　might　be　a　danger　to　any　one　member　of　the　Volturi？　Or　was　I　
doomed　to　be　totally　useless？　Just　another　easily　dispatched　newborn？　

So　many　answers　I　needed；　but　I　did　not　get　the　chance　to　ask　my　questions。　

Wanting　some　normality　for　Renesmee；　I'd　insisted　on　taking　her　home　to　our　cottage　at　bedtime。　Jacob　
was　more　fortable　in　his　wolf　form　at　the　moment；　the　stress　was　easier　dealt　with　when　he　felt　ready　
for　a　fight。　I　wished　that　I　could　feel　the　same；　could　feel　ready。　He　ran　in　the　woods；　on　guard　again。　

After　she　was　deeply　under；　I　put　Renesmee　in　her　bed　and　then　went　to　the　front　room　to　ask　my　
questions　of　Edward。　The　ones　I　was　able　to　ask；　at　any　rate；　one　of　the　most　difficult　of　problems　was　
the　idea　of　trying　to　hide　anything　from　him；　even　with　the　advantage　of　my　silent　thoughts。　

He　stood　with　his　back　to　me；　staring　into　the　fire。　

〃Edward；　I—〃　



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He　spun　and　was　across　the　room　in　what　seemed　like　no　time　at　all；　not　even　the　smallest　part　of　a　
second。　I　only　had　time　to　register　the　ferocious　expression　on　his　face　before　his　lips　were　crushing　
against　mine　and　his　arms　were　locked　around　me　like　steel　girders。　

I　didn't　think　of　my　questions　again　for　the　rest　of　that　night。　It　didn't　take　long　for　me　to　grasp　the　reason　
for　his　

mood；　and　even　less　time　to　feel　exactly　the　same　way。　

I'd　been　planning　on　needing　years　just　to　somewhat　organize　the　overwhelming　passion　I　felt　for　him　
physically。　And　then　centuries　after　that　to　enjoy　it。　if　we　had　only　a　month　left　together。。。　Well；　I　didn't　
see　how　I　could　stand　to　have　this　end。　For　the　moment　I　couldn't　help　but　be　selfish。　All　I　wanted　was　to　
love　him　as　much　as　possible　in　the　limited　time　given　to　me。　

It　was　hard　to　pull　myself　away　from　him　when　the　sun　came　up；　bu