much into the story。
Romeo wouldn't change his mind。 That's why people still remembered his name；
always twined with hers：
Romeo and Juliet。 That's why it was a good story。 〃Juliet gets dumped and ends
up with Paris〃 would
have never been a hit。
I closed my eyes and drifted again； letting my mind wander away from the
stupid play I didn't want to
think about anymore。 I thought about reality instead—about jumping off the
cliff and what a brainless
mistake that had been。 And not just the cliff； but the motorcycles and the
whole irresponsible Evel
Knievel bit。 What if something bad happened to me？ What would that do to
Charlie？ Harry's heart
attack had pushed everything suddenly into perspective for me。 Perspective
that I didn't want to see；
because—if I admitted to the truth of it—it would mean that I would have to
change my ways。 Could I
live like that？
Maybe。 It wouldn't be easy； in fact； it would be downright miserable to give
up my hallucinations and try
to be a grown…up。 But maybe I should do it。 And maybe I could。 If I had Jacob。
I couldn't make that decision right now。 It hurt too much。 I'd think about
something else。
Images from my ill…considered afternoon stunt rolled through my head while I
tried to e up with
something pleasant to think about the feel of the air as I fell； the
blackness of the water； the thrashing of
the current Edward's face I lingered there for a long time。 Jacob's warm
hands； trying to beat life
back into me the stinging rain flung down by the purple clouds the strange
fire on the waves
There was something familiar about that flash of color on top of the water。 Of
course it couldn't really be
fire—
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a car squelching through the mud
on the road outside。 I
heard it stop in front of the house； and doors started opening and closing。 I
thought about sitting up； and
then decided against that idea。
Billy's voice was easily identifiable； but he kept it uncharacteristically
low； so that it was only a gravelly
grumble。
The door opened； and the light flicked on。 I blinked； momentarily blind。 Jake
startled awake； gasping and
jumping to his feet。
〃Sorry；〃 Billy grunted。 〃Did we wake you？〃
My eyes slowly focused on his face； and then； as I could read his expression；
they filled with tears。
〃Oh； no； Billy！〃 I moaned。
He nodded slowly； his expression hard with grief。 Jake hurried to his father
and took one of his hands。
The pain made his face suddenly childlike—it looked odd on top of the man's
body。
Sam was right behind Billy； pushing his chair through the door。 His normal
posure was absent from
his agonized face。
〃I'm so sorry；〃 I whispered。
Billy nodded。 〃It's gonna be hard all around。〃
〃Where's Charlie？〃
〃Your dad is still at the hospital with Sue。 There are a lot of arrangements
to be made。〃
I swallowed hard。
〃I'd better get back there；〃 Sam mumbled； and he ducked hastily out the door。
Billy pulled his hand away from Jacob； and then he rolled himself through the
kitchen toward his room。
Jake stared after him for a minute； then came to sit on the floor beside me
again。 He put his face in his
hands。 I rubbed his shoulder； wishing I could think of anything to say。
After a long moment； Jacob caught my hand and held it to his face。
〃How are you feeling？ Are you okay？ I probably should have taken you to a
doctor or something。〃 He
sighed。
〃Don't worry about me；〃 I croaked。
He twisted his head to look at me。 His eyes were rimmed in red。 〃You don't
look so good。〃
〃I don't feel so good； either； I guess。〃
〃I'll go get your truck and then take you home—you probably ought to be there
when Charlie gets back。〃
〃Right。〃
I lay listlessly on the sofa while I waited for him。 Billy was silent in the
other room。 I felt like a peeping
torn； peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that wasn't mine。
It didn't take Jake long。 The roar of my truck's engine broke the silence
before I expected it。 He helped
me up from the couch without speaking； keeping his arm around my shoulder when
the cold air outside
made me shiver。 He took the driver's seat without asking； and then pulled me
next to his side to keep his
arm tight around me。 I leaned my head against his chest。
〃How will you get home？〃 I asked。
〃I'm not going home。 We still haven't caught the bloodsucker； remember？〃
My next shudder had nothing to do with cold。
It was a quiet ride after that。 The cold air had woken me up。 My mind was
alert； and it was working very
hard and very fast。
What if？ What was the right thing to do？
I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now—I cringed away from the idea of
even trying to imagine
that。 Somehow； he'd bee essential to my survival。 But to leave things the
way they were was that
cruel； as Mike had accused？
I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother。 I realized now that all I
really wanted was a claim on
him。 It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this。 It just felt nice—
warm and forting and familiar。
Safe。 Jacob was a safe harbor。
I could stake a claim。 I had that much within my power。
I'd have to tell him everything； I knew that。 It was the only way to be fair。
I'd have to explain it right； so
that he'd know I wasn't settling； that he was much too good for me。 He already
knew I was broken； that
part wouldn't surprise him； but he'd need to know the extent of it。 I'd even
have to admit that I was
crazy—explain about the voices I heard。 He'd need to know everything before
he made a decision。
But； even as I recognized that necessity； I knew he would take me in spite of
it all。 He wouldn't even
pause to think it through。
I would have to mit to this—mit as much of me as there was left； every
one of the broken
pieces。 It was the only way to be fair to him。 Would I？ Could I？
Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy？ Even if the love I felt for
him was no more than a
weak echo of what I was capable of； even if my heart was far away； wandering
and grieving after my
fickle Romeo； would it be so very wrong？
Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house； cutting the engine so it
was suddenly silent。 Like so
many other times； he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now。
He threw his other arm around me； crushing me against his cheat； binding me to
him。 Again； this felt nice。
Almost like being a whole person again。
I thought he would be thinking of Harry； but then he spoke； and his tone was
apologetic。 〃Sorry。 I
know you don't feel exactly the way I do； Bella。 I swear I don't mind。 I'm
just so glad you're okay that I
could sing—and that's something no one wants to hear。〃 He laughed his throaty
laugh in my ear。
My breathing kicked up a notch； sanding the walls of my throat。
Wouldn't Edward； indifferent as he might be； want me to be as happy as
possible under the
circumstances？ Wouldn't enough friendly emotion linger for him to want that
much for me？ I thought he
would。 He wouldn't begrudge me this： giving just a small bit of love he didn't
want to my friend Jacob。
After all； it wasn't the same l